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A friend suggestion just popped up on Facebook. It was the boy I had the biggest crush on for all of high school. The boy I snuck out of my house to go riding on the back of his motorcycle with. The first time we went riding, I couldn't believe that I was expected to wrap my arms around him. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. We went the back way to Santa Fe, but if he had asked me to ride to Alaska, I wouldn't have said no. 

I went skiing with this boy, I learned to rock climb with him, I got drunk in his hot tub. The previous three activities were all group ones. It was the motorcycle that finally got me alone with him. Then he started dating one of my best friends. I had to wait another three years until we were in college and home for the summer to kiss him. It was a short-lived thing. But, god, was it electric.

Today the picture I saw bore no relation to the boy in my head. In high school, he had been beautiful--by any standard. I usually see echoes of the people we were in our now pictures, but this one was completely different. He's average enough looking, but I wish I could find an old photograph and see if I painted on the beauty because I was so smitten. I don't think so. 

I'm not normally so appearance driven, of course I want to be physically attracted to my partners, but this boy was (by my memory) Johnny Depp beautiful. He was so out of my league. And yet we did spend A LOT of time together. I think I was always a bit shocked that we were good friends. I was gangly and super thin--think Twiggy--without being comfortable in my own skin unless I was playing a sport. He was a gymnast. And funny. And a daredevil. Obviously, I am still in love with the idea of him. But, but, now he's some normal dude in his late 30s. How did this happen???


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November 2010

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